Insane Antics
by Tigressa101
Summary: Dares gone bad? Missions turned wacky? The humans are about to learn the Cybertronians are not the innocent "machines" they believe themselves to be. Hell, even Autobots are devilish when they want to be.
1. Jousting

"Arcee, I don't think this is what Optimus meant when he said be creative during battle. Maybe we could find another way to train rather than…what's the sport called again?" Bulkhead whimpered.

The blue femme laughed at her fellow Autobots complaints, "It's called jousting. You take two horses, in this case dragons, and you stay at one end of the runway while your opponent stays at the other. Both of us wield lances, or rather logs because we don't want to kill each other now, and when the signal is stimulated, we run at each other and try to hit one another off our steed. If one person falls off, the remaining opponent wins. If both fall off, we have to duel in hand to hand combat until one gives up. Got that so far?"

She heard the big mech gulp. "Yeah, got it. Oh boy, this is going to end badly."

"Aw, come on. You have a clear advantage."

Bulkhead narrowed his optics, "Yeah, but for a small femme, your strength rivals even that of Optimus'!"

"Then we're fair, are we not?" Arcee smirked.

He muttered something she didn't catch and mounted Demon who was covered in a red painted tarp with dark grey spots and had reins in his mouth to resemble a knight's horse. Bulkhead knew he didn't like being dressed up for such stupid things but they needed some type of animal-like bots to complete the jousting game. "Why did I even agree to this?" He complained.

"Because you owe Miko for accidently crushing half of her house while her family was on vacation. Since I'm her guardian, you also owe me because _I _was the one who had to explain everything! Besides, it's only for today. After a few matches, you'll be free to go," the green mech said.

"Also, why does my opponent have to be Tigressa? She'll bite the scrap out of me when we bypass each other!"

Bulkhead rolled his optics, "Quit complaining. The sooner we get this over with, the better. Trust me, I hate this just as much as you."

Demon groaned, "At least you're not the stupid pony in this game."

On the other end, Arcee mounted her own steed, Tigressa, who was far too big for being a horse copy but she agreed to the terms the two-wheeler had announced. She had a black tarp with white zebra print lining the edge. She too had reins but wasn't as mellow about it as her twin was. Occasionally, she snapped her head back in an attempt shake off the unruly sheet and spit out the metal bar that was attached to the muzzle.

The blue femme noticed how restless the tiger-dragon was becoming and stroked the side of her neck like riders did with their animals. She stopped when the ears of her steed pointed back towards her in anger.

She turned back to her awaiting enemy, "Ready?"

The green mech held up his log. "As much as I will ever be!"

Arcee leveled her log to horizontally line up with Bulkhead and Demon before waiting for the signal.

Two Vehicons stood on a ramp built to observe and one held his blaster up before firing, watching intensely like a child viewing his favorite show.

Tigressa jolted at the sound, kicking away at the dirt to get a good starting sprint. On all fours she ran, breathing in heavily as she spotted Demon doing the same with his rider pointing the tree truck directly at her and Arcee. She didn't bother to look at the log parallel with her sight since it wasn't the one she was concerned about.

Both dragons drew closer to one another, growing bothered by the weight and the presence of each other. Kanjians hated their own kind coming at them with no reason or during events. They all got it in their minds that the only reason one would run at another was to harm, so they automatically became hostile despite it being only a mere game. Sometimes, they would randomly lash out at anybody close by to warn them that they were no longer in the mood to play.

Despite Tigressa knowing her brother was not meaning to harm her, she still grew unnerved that when they passed one another and the impact of the logs clashing against the riders, sending vibrations through both their frames, the tiger-dragon suddenly twisted her helm and bit down upon the shoulder of the red and black mech. When she slowed down to see what had happened, she noted that Arcee was still on her but Bulkhead was on the ground, shaking off the blow while Demon reared back in pain not too far from the green Wrecker's position.

"You cheating little…ah! I call cheating on Tigressa's part. You aren't allowed to bite the other steed! That's a felony! Disqualified!"

Tigressa trotted to him with a smirk, "There was nothing in the rules that said anything about horse on horse contact. I'm untouchable!"

"Bulkhead! Are you okay?" Arcee said as she kneeled beside him.

"Fine, a little dizzy, but fine. I have to say," he coughed, "that was some thrill ride. Honestly, I want to do that again. But hopefully, I'll hit you off instead!"

"Yeah, right! Try as you will, I'm never falling!"

"We'll see about that, femme!"

Demon began ranting again, "Untouchable, my aft! Horses don't bite the scrap out of others unless they become annoyed by each other's presence. We only were near each other for less than five seconds!"

"Everything about you annoys me, that's why. Now are we going to argue or are we going to do battle with Arcee and Chubbsy-Ubbsy over there?"

"Whatever," the dragon scowled.

Arcee climbed onto Tigressa once more, "Another joust, my dear opponent?"

Bulkhead had some trouble but eventually sat atop his trusty steed. "Ready when you are, two-wheeler!"

"Let's go!" Arcee growled as Tigressa roared at her brother, who in return bellowed back before stomping a clawed servo on the dusty ground.

* * *

**AN: To us, Jousting wouldn't be an insane antic, but to Transformers...I don't think they know the dangers of such a game. Next up, Skydiving!**


	2. Skydiving

"Are you sure this is safe? It looks questionable to me," Knockout winced as he put his pede over the edge for a second before pulling it back to the Nemesis' top deck.

Smokescreen smirked, "I did this many times after I stole the Omega Keys and jumped off with an angry buckethead after me. Human planes work as wonderful substitutes, especially the jumbo jets and bombers."

The medic just shifted in his place uncomfortably as he peered down. There was a reason he chose land-based vehicles and it wasn't just because car fashion was what he admired. He gulped loudly before backing up when suddenly, he hit something solid. Looking up in fear, his eyes grew wide when he saw Megatron and beside him, Bumblebee.

"M-my liege? What are you doing up here? I thought you were busy helping Optimus find Miko."

"Found her. She and Arcee were simply hiding and hid well enough to where they had no choice but to inform us. Stubborn little minxes those two are," he pondered.

"Besides," Bumblebee grinned, "we thought a fall with the wind blowing freely in our faces is an activity we can enjoy. Don't worry, Knockout. We have trained Eradicons who will catch us before we come too close to the ground. Three for us and you're well aware Megatron can fly by himself. I promise nothing bad will happen."

He noticed Knockout hesitantly nodded before turning away from him completely.

"Are the Vehicons ready?" Smokescreen called out to a Vehicon behind him. When it gave the thumbs up, all four stood in a line facing the horizon in the distance.

"Ready."

Bumblebee clicked his tongue eagerly.

"Set."

Knockout nervously whimpered as he felt the yellow mech's servo link with his own to assure him that he was going to be okay.

"Now!"

"Geronimo!" Smokescreen yelled as he somersaulted off the deck. Bumblebee followed, cartwheeling with a whoop of happiness. Knockout, however, moved back before he felt a servo push him forward. He tried to fight Megatron, clawing at the ex-Gladiator's armor but that only encouraged the warlord to push harder, sliding the medic towards the edge. Then Megatron gave one last shove, forcing the medic to stand on his toes on the remaining platform. But his weight proved too much.

He screamed as he tumbled, passing Bumblebee and suddenly colliding with Smokescreen since he didn't slow his pace like the other two grounders did. Then he opened his arms, feeling himself slow to be level with Bumblebee who ceased his cartwheel to level out. His breathing and spark beat was spiking at a rapid pace but calmed when he began feeling the breeze tickle his armor and wiring. This wasn't as bad as he thought; he still was unsettled by the fact he was airborne though.

"You okay?" Bumblebee slurred as did a backflip to have a little fun.

Knockout nodded with an unsure smile that still changed back to a forced frown.

"Here, try pulling your arms to your side and open them after a little bit! Like a hawk!" The warrior purred as he suddenly dived, leaving the medic above before fanning his door wings and opening his arms once again. This slowed him enough to where he was almost a few feet under the Aston Martin.

Reluctantly, Knockout moved to the side so he wouldn't hit the mech below. Nothing but a clear drop was visible now. He sighed with a groan. He prayed to Primus he would make it out of this antic alive so he could maim Smokescreen when he got back. Pushing his arms to his side, he let himself fall.

The wind grew faster like the breeze enraged into a blizzard with no snow or ice involved. He felt his insides lurch backwards as if someone just pulled them through his spine. It was a wanton feeling alright, but it was easy to get used to. So here he was, diving to the Earth's surface without anything to hold him back or save him. After a few seconds, he unleashed his arms again and felt a sudden force push him up. For a minute there, he almost believed something had stopped him but it had only slowed him down.

He was still falling to his doom. Smokescreen on his right and Bumblebee on his left. Three mechs falling down, free-falling even, but falling nonetheless. Then he heard a gleeful roar above him.

Struggling to look back, Knockout spotted Megatron doing aerial maneuvers to his spark's content. He was enjoying this too much, even more so than Smokescreen and Bumblebee. The adrenaline was to blame most of all.

"Knockout!" Bumblebee called as he turned to lie on a bed of air, smirking up at him cockily with his legs crossed and his arms folded behind his helm. "Be prepared! The Vehicons are coming any second now! Hold on as soon as you make contact! They should level themselves to be parallel to you to give you enough time to latch on! Can't guarantee anything though!"

Well, wasn't that a pleasant surprise! The instant roar of Cybertronian jets approached rapidly, as if on cue to Bumblebee's words. One of the jets split off from the others to dive beside Smokescreen, then another to the yellow and black mech, and he got the last Eradicon.

He wrapped himself around the jet as ground zero was becoming too close for comfort. Then right as the visible trees began spreading apart, they pulled up, a tree barely grazing the white sports car's jet's underbelly. Knockout cringed as his body returned to normal. No more light-headed feeling or insides cramming in the back of his endoskeleton. The feeling felt foreign because he had been airborne for what seemed like hours.

"Woo-hoo! See I told you it was going to be alright! And you doubted my word?" Bumblebee smirked. His Eradicon pulled up beside the other smoothly.

The medic snarled, "Shut up! Though that was quite a ride, I must admit, I'm still never doing that again!"

He wanted to wipe that grin right of the muscle car's faceplates so bad. "Sure, Knockout. You'll change your mind soon."

* * *

When they landed back onto the Nemesis' top deck, Knockout almost instinctively kissed the platform, happy to be back on solid ground again. Breakdown awaited him, shaking his head with a chuckle. "That was an interesting sight to see. Never thought I'd witness the day you enjoyed something other than racing."

Knockout growled, "Not you too! Look, what's done is done! Let's just stick to what we're good at: operations and check-ups. Flying and skydiving isn't my thing!"

"Whatever you say, partner," the blue brute purred. "Say, didn't Lord Megatron join you? Where is he then?"

A fair question. Both of them peered over the edge until they heard another jet streak by. The Vehicons watched as their leader transformed on and off, using height to make smaller dives before turning back to his alt. mode to gain more altitude. It was odd seeing their leader playing and in all honesty, it looked fun.

Several Eradicons eventually joined him while Knockout headed back to the ship's interior until a hand grasped his wrist. He frowned at the contact before lazily meeting the gaze of a childish Bumblebee.

"How about another round, dear Knockout?"

The frown deepened, "Oh, no. I am not doing that again!"

Bumblebee sighed, "Fine, just don't curse at me for missing out on an excellent opportunity to feel free."

"I'll take my chances," the medic cockily said as he placed his servos on his hips.

The other mech shrugged before the warrior whistled, catching a few Eradicon gazes. They flew back to him, waiting for a command or an invitation to play once more. "Alright, boys, how about a game of chicken?"

Knockout's optics widened. This was either going to end really lucky or really bad. He might as well prepare the Medbay for future patients since he was just heading there anyways, back to the place he felt most comfortable in.

* * *

**AN: I've never gone actual skydiving but I have been in the Sky Walk fan tunnel and that feeling was amazing though it's probably more intense in real life than in a simulator. This is probably a little inaccurate to people who've actually skydived, whom of which I respect for your courage seeing that I'm not even brave enough to do that (Tigressa probably is since she has wings and you can't be afraid of heights and fly. That's not a good combination.), but I tried to make it as accurate as possible. Then again we're dealing with Transformers so...**


	3. Clash 'N' Smash Derby (Gone Wrong)

Two Vehicons clashed roughly, part of one's fender twisting ugly inward.

Bulkhead skidded to the side to avoid a head on collision with a Vehicon tank named Surovec (Cybertronian for "Bull Rider") who was relentless when it came to vehicle sparring. He didn't want to face the raging tank directly, for Surovec was known to completely demolish his enemies by flattening them while he drove through unscarred. A ruthless racer as well when it came to Big Rig Races.

"Hey, Jackie, who are you up against?"

The white Wrecker passed the green mech gracefully before sending his response over the comm. link, a larger beast of a vehicle trailing behind. "I got paired with Bonecrusher. Can you believe that?"

"Just don't agitate him any more than he is already. I can see him pushing the pedal to the metal to beat your aft."

Wheeljack laughed, "As if that's a concern? Mine is mostly directed on how this guy's still not dead after that little roundabout back in Crystal City. I'm pretty sure Boney Boy got shot fifty times in the spark chamber."

Suddenly, Surovec was rammed at full speed, sending the tank nearly hitting Bulkhead and rolling into the path of the white sports car. The other swerved to miss the wreck that was but instead set himself up to be broadsided by Bonecrusher. This left one nasty dent on the passenger side door.

The green SUV groaned when he saw who was powerful enough to send the Vehicon flying horizontally. Motormaster, of all mechs, was here. Spike-studded and chains dangling broken from the hood and back, this monster of a truck was a nightmare. Some even considered him a twisted version of Optimus but more deadly than the clone, Nemesis Prime, could ever hope to be. Before he joined the Decepticons, he even gave Megatron a run for his money.

Motormaster was also banned from leaving a certain area of wasteland for his crimes against Cybertron as a whole, both from Decepticons and Autobots. He had terrorized everyone and everything for a bloodlust he couldn't control. Unfortunately, he was here now which meant he disobeyed his orders and was far from the area he was to be residing in. He was bloodthirsty.

Through a cracked windshield and faulty optical sensors, all of them knew Motormaster was calculating their next moves and what to counter them with. He was always watching.

Bulkhead swore he could hear growling. The monster was also facing him.

Without a second thought, the purple and black semi-truck lunged forward, tires kicking up streams of dirt. Engine roaring as he gained speed quickly, aiming for the first vehicle it saw: Bulkhead.

The SUV reversed himself fast, barely escaping being hit full on which could have been a death blow. He knew a wall was approaching behind him and if he timed this right, Motormaster would be down and out. The truck grazed the mech's grill, determined to take his opponent straight into the barrier, but what happened next seemed to blur but at the same instant freeze time.

Bulkhead snapped his wheel sharply to the right, curving his reversing form left. He caught part of the wall with his back end, causing the taillight to cave in but nothing too major. His Decepticon brute, however, had a different result. All he saw was Motormaster slamming metal-breaking hard into the solid mass of five foot thick concrete. The truck's front cracked and rippled inward, back wheels lifting off the ground, and glass from both the windshield and the doors burst. It looked like a horror film death tragedy.

When the vehicle was surely stopped and the dust cleared, Motormaster was messed up. Thousands of cracks lined every inch of his vehicle mode and nothing looked right at all. Was he dead?

Just then, the engine awoke once again, bust lights still glowed bright red despite being terribly deformed. The semi backed out of its collision carefully and all others beheld a horrific sight. Energon gushed out of all the openings at once, forming a huge puddle around the black and purple monster, yet he still remained online.

To everyone's surprise, the malformed mech jolted forward, hitting and pushing Bulkhead to scrape on the side of the wall. The green Wrecker couldn't reverse fast enough due to his front end being pressed against his front tires, eliminating coordination and movement. He was pretty much shredding rubber to the center on the hard dirt floor.

Motormaster seemed furious and it was amazing how the guy was still living after that crash. He acted as if it was a mere wound.

"Hang on, Bulkhead!" Wheeljack said as he pulled alongside the raging semi-truck, hitting the monster into the barrier his friend was being forced to slide on which no doubt was screwing up his right side.

Finally, the truck began to stall and slow down before its wheels caved inward, almost flipping the large vehicle immediately. Motormaster spoke in a broken dialect but it sounded distorted and fading. What he said was unknown but if they could guess, he was probably cursing them out. Fully in park, the purple abomination vibrated a series of noises none of the present bots could decipher before they suddenly halted. The last hum heard was the echo of his spark giving out.

Bulkhead transformed to robot mode, holding his right abdomen in pain. "Is he dead?"

Wheeljack smirked, "Wow, that's the most outgoing exaggerated death I've ever seen! Nice reflexes, Bulky."

"What are we going to tell the others back at base? 'Oh, we had an illegal car smashing derby and we killed Motormaster after he decided to charge us in the hopes to kill?' Optimus is going to shoot us if we tell him that! I don't know about you but I want to have all my parts intact."

"That's _IF_ he finds out! He's not going to know anything!"

The SUV narrowed his optics, "I get the feeling this is going to back fire on us."

"That's cool…so now what do we do with Frankenstein's dead body?" Wheeljack mused.

Both mechs looked at each other. They were in trouble, it was unavoidable. But then again, that's the price for playing insane antics such as a Clash 'N' Smash Derby.

* * *

**AN: A little darker than normal but during my "problematic" time away, a friend of mine asked me, "Hey, do you know about Motormaster?" She apparently was using him for a final project in Art Class and she drew him killing others in what appeared to be a destructive motor car derby. I asked her what he was doing and she said he was a psychopath just on a rampage, using a car derby as an excuse to bash mechs' heads in. That idea threw me off so good that I wrote about it. **

**Unfortunately, I had to kill Motormaster because it began making no sense otherwise. Sorry Motormaster fans, it just turned out this way.**


	4. Tight-Rope Walking

"I'm sorry? You want me to do what!?" Breakdown exclaimed.

Smokescreen peered down at the trench below. Aside from pillars of rock, it was pure black down at the bottom…assuming it had one. "Yeah, no, I'd rather not 'cause I don't know if I'll survive that or find my way out of it for that matter."

Rodimus grinned, "Y'all are wussies. All you have to do is walk across that line to the other side without falling. How hard is that?"

All present gave him a "really?" look as they pointed to the thin line of cable that they were supposed to cross. The line wasn't even half the width of any of their pedes. And he expected them to cross that without messing up? Seriously?

Starscream and Arcee both gave each other glances at Rodimus' cocky remark before Arcee replied, "Even I'm not that ballsy with that type of stuff. If you miscalculate a single step you can die!"

"I know! Makes it even more exciting!" The sports car shouted in glee.

Breakdown gawked at the length of the canyon, "You have a death wish or something, dude. I ain't crossing that! I'm out! And you can call me chicken all you want but I ain't dying today, oh hell no!"

Finally, Arcee had enough. "If I go and I make it, will you never bother me with these types of stunts again?"

Rodimus nodded and bowed, "Yes ma'am. I will let you know I'm a bot of my word."

Hesitantly, the two-wheeler lined herself up to the cable and slowly put one foot on it. She felt it tremble beneath her step as she place her other pede in front of the first one. Pausing to make sure she could keep her balance, she looked back at her comrades to see most of them quivering for her safety. All except Rodimus were scared, the latter apparently trying to not laugh at her careful approach. She rather be safe than sorry, you ass.

Feeling the adrenaline suddenly kick in to the maximum, she got riskier. She cart-wheeled two times before pausing to check her balance. All good there. She then speed walked a good portion, arms out while trying to maintain peace. So far so good. And near the end, she bounced up and down three times before using the fourth as momentum to spring her to the cliff edge. She stumbled a bit on landing but was nevertheless alright.

Smirking at her daredevil stunts and turning to see her peers' reactions, she noted Rodimus was no longer laughed but had his jaw nailed to the ground. The others looked just as amazed, but all she could do in response was simply shrug with a smirk and practice cart-wheeling while she waited for the next mech to join her on the other side.

Surprisingly, the next person up was Breakdown. Muttering unintelligibly about life and death, he lined himself up with the cable, making the mistake of looking down into the canyon below in the process. "Oh I'm going to have a fragging heart attack, it's not even funny!"

"Don't look down, you idiot!" Starscream growled.

Once he began moving, his mind was racing to the point he thought smoke was coming out of his vents. He did fine until he reached the midway point and stopped, causing him to flail his arms in circles to keep balance. He tried to set his foot back…but missed. He stumbled past the cable to fall but at the last second, he grabbed it with both his arms and legs.

He heard everyone breathing heavily at his near-death tumble, making him quake in fear. Briefly, he closed his optics and calmed himself by breathing at a reasonable pace. But then he heard Arcee's voice, "Come on, Breakdown! It's okay! Just crawl over here one limb at a time! Slow and steady! Please!"

He opened his eyes to see and upside down Arcee reaching out her servo to him despite how far the distance was between them. Gradually, he began to move towards her. Servo, pede, servo, pede. Left, right, left, right. To his surprise, he was moving quite fast but felt more stable than his actual tight-rope attempt. He carefully made his way to Arcee as the latter grabbed his own servo and helped him get back on land. Exhausted, he fell on his back to the cool dirt, allowing the Autobot femme to rub his forehead to see if he was suffering heatstroke along with his dizziness. He wouldn't admit it but it felt nice to have a femme by his side although this type of reason for her to be with him wasn't what he had in mind.

As Arcee tended to Breakdown, Smokescreen decided to take the path of least struggle by crossing on all fours wrapped around the cable. He ignored Rodimus' degrading comments about cheating as he made his way towards the other side. Halfway through, he decided to change his approach by using only his arms to cross like a monkey on a vine. On occasion, he stopped in a suitable place to swing himself to do a three sixty degree circle on the cable. By doing this as well, he moved ever so slightly towards the other side though much more slowly than simply just moving across. He finally ended his playful swinging when he realized Rodimus was becoming impatient and moved monkey-style to the end where he was greeted by a still-somewhat-panicked Breakdown.

"Alright, fly boy, you're up!" Rodimus taunted.

Starscream rolled his optics as he positioned himself on the cable. Swiftly on pace, he crossed the canyon with surprisingly little effort. Then again, Seekers were the most agile of all of the Cybertronians balance-wise; they are quite masterful at it. When he was feeling dare devilish, the Decepticon unexpectedly jumped to land his aft onto the cable before hooking his claws around it and performing impressive tricks like handstands, loops, and even twirls.

He smirked when Smokescreen cheered loudly at his aerobics. With one last loop and twirl combo, he landed on the other side with the smuggest of grins. Who's to say he didn't deserve that credit for a wonderful performance.

Lastly was the epitome of pride himself: Rodimus. So far he taunted everyone and everyone made it on their own accord, though some struggled a bit. Now it was time to see what he could do.

Instead of lining himself up like all the others did, Rodimus carelessly threw himself onto the cable, catching it with his servos and swinging himself up to stand on the line. He then proceeded to flip across the line to the end with no thought. But all of a sudden, he heard shouting from Smokescreen. Stopping himself, he glared at the young speedster, "What's wrong!?"

"The cabling's coming loose! Get off it now!"

Sure enough, he heard snapping as he peered toward the origin of it. The end of the cable where he started off was stretching unnaturally as pieces of it began to thin out and break. Frightened, Rodimus quickly moved towards where his friends were. First he fast walked, and then he began crawling on all fours to add more stabilization. As soon as he was near the end, the cable snapped.

The sheer horror in his optics couldn't be described as he felt himself fall. And all the others could do was try and reach out for him but most were too far away, except for one. A hand latched onto his, freezing his drop to the chasm below. When he saw who saved him, he gave a rare warm smile.

Starscream returned it as he hoisted the red and orange mech up onto the clifftop. "I don't know about you but I think that's enough dangerous stunts for today."

Rodimus respired a relieved lament, "Yeah, I-I think that's enough for about a month. Whew, man."

Arcee smirked, "Damn straight!"

The sports car met the jet's quick look with a sincere grin, "Is it too late to apologize for what I said earlier?"

Starscream raised a brow, "Don't think so but I can already tell you're truthfully sorry, so I forgive you."

"Thanks."

Smokescreen began to frown, "Hey guys, what are we going to tell Megatron now that the cable for the Nemesis' exterior lights has been…uh…lost?"

Every bot's eyes went wide at the comment before Starscream angrily shrieked, "YOU STOLE THE NEMESIS' CABLING!?"

* * *

**AN: This is the last one I think I'm going to do. If you liked the series, I appreciate it and I welcome you to create your own versions of Insane Antics too. Also, sorry for making Rodimus a dick but I had to make somebody learn their lesson the hard way.**


End file.
